KIVABE BONER GOLAM HOLAM….
ami last 2 year dhore nijer bon er ekrokom slave hoye achi. ami jibone echara ar kichu chaini kokhono. amar bon obosso nije theke amake or slave e porinoto koreni. barir keu ba onno keu o amake slave hote force koreni. nijer ichchay , onek plan kore, budhdhi khatie ami nijer bon er slave hote perechi. akhon amar bon amar debi, amar provu. sobar samne amar 7 bochorer choto bon amar opor ottachar kore.

ami jani amar kotha totota exiting mone hochche na. amar lekhar haat o valo na. tobu, somovabaponno bondhuder sathe aj nijer secret share korte ichcha korche khub. amar jonmo west bengal er ekta choto sohor e. amar babar onek business ache, besh borolok amra.  school e besh medhabi chatro chilam. school theke pass kore ekta namkora college e b.tech porte gelam, pass korar agei ekta boro company te valo job peye gelam. last sem sesh haoar por e frustration ta suru holo amar. job e join date tokhono 5 mash deri. ar ei obosor somoy suru haoar por thekei mone ghire dhorlo ek odvut chinta. jibone sob peyeo jano kichu paini ami. amader taka ache, valo job peyechi, sobar chokhe ami jibone ottonto sofol. othocho amar jibon er chorom berthota ami chara keu jantona. ami to jibone esob kichui chaini. cheyechi borong thik er ultota, nijeke khudro, tuchcho, nogonno vabte, ar ei ‘nogonno ami’ ke kono meyer hate apomanito hote dekhte.
aage erokom chinta mone ele porasonay dube jetam. ei somoy ta kono kajer ovabe dukhkho ta kono vabe vulte parlam na. kolkatar mess e bose prothom mash ta online e bohu chesta korlam amon kono meye khujte je amake dominate kore amar moner ichcha puron korbe. onek chesta korlam. kintu kichudiner modhdhei bujhe gelam amar swapno puron edeshe bose osomvob. amar chinta sobar atotai odvut lagto je amar ichchar avash deoar sathe sathei meyera amar sathe kotha bola bondho kore dito. prothom masher modhdhei bujhe gelam dominating gf ba dominatrix, karo kachei attosomorponer ichcha e deshe bose puron haoa somvob na. ami totodine bujhe gechi ar 5 joner moto bie kore sadharon vabe songshar kora somvob na. ami humiliate hote chai, shasti pete chai. but, konovabei tokhono obdi amar ei swapno sofol korar upay khuje pachchilam na. monke ghire dhorechilo churanto depression, e jibon nie ki korbo bujhte parchilam na.
1 month por bari fire elam. bari fire dekhlam amar cheye 7 bochorer choto bon aro sundori hoyeche, opurbo dekhte lagche oke. or akhon class 10. mone pore gelo o jokhon choto chilo amake ghora banie pithe bose sara ghore ghorato, amar mathar chul dhore jhakie bolto “ei ghora, hattt” ufff, ki je opurbo lagto tokhon ! ami ekta posha ghora, ar amar pithe je meyeta bose ache se amar monib, amar malkin. ei chinta amar deher prottek koshe chorie dito ek osadharon sukhanuvuti. ish, akhono jodi konovabe bon er hate apomanito hote partam !! depression ta aro bere gelo raate amader barir chirachorito niom e khete bose. amader barir niom onujayi aage amake babar sathe khete holo, pore maa ar bon khelo. tokhono amar dharona chilona, koek diner modhdhei ei chobi puro bodle jete choleche. baki sarajibon ami khabar khabo sudhu bon er payer kache bose !

Depression ta aro bere gelo. Sei sathe nijeke humiliate korar ichcha tao. Ekbar nijer mail ta khule check korlam. Karo reply nei. Ami suye kichukhon opekkha korlam. Tarpor sobai suye porle bon er school er juto duto buke jorie fire elam ghore. Erokom kaj aage kokhono korini. Bon er sada sneaker duto bichanar opor rakhlam, tar opor matha rekhe chumu khete laglam jutor opor. Kolpona korte laglam amar 7 bochorer choto bon amake order korche “amar jutoy chumu kha.” Ek odvut anondo boye gelo sara sorirer modhdhe die. Jibon er jabotio safollo,sikriti amar kache sudhu dukhkher utso. Somosto anondo lukie ache nijeke worthless vabar modhdhe, meyeder kache nijeke humiliate korte parar modhdhe. Amar kolponay bon amake adesh dilo, “chit hoye so.” Tor mukher opor pa rakhbo ami.” Ami chit hoye suye bon er juto duto mukher opor tule sara mukhe ghoste laglam. Kolponay dekhte laglam bon amar mukhejuto pora pa rekhe bose amar sara mukhe jutor tola ghosche. Kolponay bon ebar amake adesh dilo jiv bar kore or jutor tola chete poriskar kore dite. Ami jiv bar kore chate laglam bon er jutor tola. Barbar bon er jutoke bolte laglam, “provu,ami jibone ar kichu chaina, sudhu chai tomar seba korte. Provu, amar chokhe tumi amar bon na, swarger debi. Ar ami tomar vokto, sebok matro. Daya koro provu. Tomake seba korar sujog dao. Ami evabe ar parchi na provu. Meyeder seba na kore evabe tader soman seje sara jibon amar pokkhe thaka somvob na.” bon er jutor tolay chumbon korte korte juto duto mukher opor rekhe ek ogovir ghume ocheton hoye gelam. Amar mathay se abosthateo bon ke seba korar chinta ghure chollo. Jodi konovabe sotti e jibone bon er seba korte partam ki valoi na hoto. Baba, ma, bondhu,attio, sobar samne bon amake apoman korto, lathi marto, keu fireo takato na, amon vab korto jano etai amar prappo. Ufff, ki sukh ei chintay. Jodi konovabe amonta sotti e hoto? Hothat ek chintay ami tondra chere bichanay uthe boslam. Somudre bohubochor dishhin vabe poth harie vese chola nabik o bodhoy danga dekhe ato khusi hoyna, jotota ami tokhon hoyechilam. Ami ja vabchi sotti e ki seta somvob? Barbar vabte laglam. Oh, darun plan ! amar mon bolte laglo e plan sofol hobei. Bohudin ondhokare thakar por vobissot dasotter ujjol somvabonar alote mon neche uthlo. Ami ghor theke berie chhade gie darlam. Tokhon vor hobo hobo korche, pub akashe laler chhoa legeche olpo. Tobe amar moner akashe bohujug pore totokhone surjodoy ghote gieche, moner akashe pakhira suro jhonkar tuleche.
Nijer plan moto egote laglam erpor theke. Pore 1 mash khub chup chap roilam. Gomvir hoye thaktam,kotha kom boltam. Baba , ma ba bon jiggasa korle boltam raate ghum hoy na, roj raate sulei voyonkor dussopno dekhi. Tader ekmatro cheler ei abostha dekhe baba ma khub dukkho pelo. Ami treatment er naam kore 2,1 bar kolkata te ghure ela. Er modhdhe baba ma onekbar boleche amake amader paribarik gurujir sworon nite. Ami plan mafik bolechi ami osobe bissas korina. Ek mash por jokhon kolkata theke fire bollam, “kono treatment kaj korche na ma, ami ar besidin bachbona” tokhon ma bollo, “amar kotha son, kichutei jokhon hochchena ekbar gurujir swaron nile khoti ki?” ami bollam “thik ache”. Mone mone toiri holam, amar asol porikkhar somoy hoyeche ebar.
Porer soptahe guruji amader bari elen. Sob guruji r moto inio borolok vokto khub pochondo koren. Tai ma daktei chute esechen. Uni ma kalir vokto, tantrik. Ami onake aage patta ditam na, ar borolok vokter ekmatro chele amake uni jevabe khusi onar pothe ante chaiten. Borolok vokter mathay haat bulie rojgarer poth kei ba harate chay? Onar ichcha chilo amar bon er taratari bie hoye jabe ar ami chakri nie baire chole jabo. Ar uni vokto baba mar kach theke kichu aday korben. Tobe uni sob theke khusi hoten jodi ami onake konovabe guru bole mene ni. Elekay medhabi chhatro hisabe porichito amake sisso korte parle onar naam je onek chorabe seta khub e swavabik byapar. Ami onar ei durbolota kei kaaje laganor plan korechilam.
Uni jedin elen seta chilo sukrobar. Sedin bikele amake or ghore jete bollo ma. Uni ason pete mejhete bosechilen. Amio mejhete bose porlam. Uni bollen tomar mayer kache sob sunechi. Dekhle to, je adhunik biggan, chikitsa sastro nie tumi gorbo koro tara tomar kichui korte parlo na. sob e ma kalir ichcha. Amar kotha sono, dhorme mon dao, saradin Ma kali ke swaron koro, sob thik hoye jabe.
Ami khusi holam, sob e thik dike jachche. Moner khusi chepe mukhe dukhho futie bollam ami jani amar dukkher karon, ma kali swapne dekha die sob poriskar kore dieche. Akhon ar maa ke ossikar korina ami. Bujhi, sob e purbojonmer paper fol. E pap theke e jonme kano, porer 100 jonmeo hoyto mukti pabona ami. Sudhu apni chaile bachate paren amake ei jontronar hat theke.
Ja vebechilam tai holo. Amar kotha sune guruji norechore boslen. “sob khule bolo amake. Maayer dayay nischoy tomake rokkha korte parbo.”
‘ Kintu apni kano, keu e bissas korte chaibe na amar kothay, mayer swapnadesh atoi aschorjo. Othocho 1,2din na, ma amake swapne antoto 20 din dekha die ek e kotha bolechen.”
“tumi bolo ,mayer adesh keu e obissas korbe na.”
“apni bissas koren swapnadesh byapar tay. Maa swapne dekha die kauke sotti bole die jachchen etay”
“nischoy,tumi bolo.”
“amar ghotona ta ato odvut….ar amar pokkhe ato lojjar…..”, ami boli.
“jai hok, mayer adesh chepe rakhle paap hobe. Tumi bolo.”
“Amar ghumer somossa suru goto bochor theke. Prothome ghum asto na, aste aste ghumalei dussopno dekhte suru korlam. Ghumalei ek voyonkor mukh, ar ekta 14-15 bochorer meyer lash chokher samne vese uthto, ar charidike rokto,amar sara gaye jano pin fotato keu. Atongke uthe bostam ami. Din din ei ghotona barte laglo. Raate ghumano atongker hoye daralo amar kache? Othocho, na ghumie manush kotodin thakte pare? Ami daktar dekhalam, ghumer osudh khelam, kichute kono fol holona. Aste aste pagoler moto hoye uthte laglam. Vebechilam attohotta kore felbo, ei jontrona ar sojjo korte parchilam na. tokhon e maa swapne dekha dilen .bujhlam prayoschitto na korle mukti nei. Ei paper fol porer jonmeo vugte hobe prayoschitto na kore morle.”
Guruji bollen “ki paap korechile ma bollo? Ki prayoschitto korte hobe?”
“seta ato odvut, apni bissas korben to?”
“Abossoi, tumi bolo.”
“apnader bissas nahole ekdiner jonne sobaike bujhie maayer bola pothe amar prayoschitter bebostha kore deben. Ami jani, sedin raate ami santite ghumate pabo antoto, apnarao bujhte parben ami swapnadeshe ja dekhechi, sob e sotti.”
“se to korboi, tumi bolo.”, guruji ar opekkha korte parchilen na.”
“ma swapne amake amar purbo jonmer aporadher kotha bolechen. Onek jonmo aage ami chilam ek dakat doler sordar,ar mayer vokto. Gota rajjo amar voye kapto mayer dayay. Roj raate mayer pujo kore dakati korte berotam. Mayer pujo korar somoy mayer samne sopoth kortam kokhono meye ba bachchader aghat korbo na.ar keu amader marte na ele kauke hotta korbo na. mayer dayay amra ja chaitam, tai lut kore antam. Kintu ekdin ghote gelo sei aporadh. Mayer kache sokti cheye prarthona korar aage kotha ditam maake ei sokti kokhono meyeder opor proyog korbona. Kintu sedin ek rajbari akromon korar por er onnotha kore fello amar dol. Ami koekjon songike nie sinduk luth kore ferar pothe dekhi raj barir dorjar samne pore ache rajkumarir nithor deho. Tar boyesh 14,15…gaye poshaker chinhomatro nei. Taake hotta korar aage amar doler keu tar sathe ki koreche bujhte osubidha hoyna. Maa ke deoa kotha mone porte atongke chechie uthe luth kora sob felei palalam. Tate paap komlona. Dakat sordar chilam ami. Mayer kache sopoth nitam ami. Tai mayer ovishap o porlo amar oporei. Sei jonme khub voyonkor vabe mrittu holo amar. Erpor jotobar e jonmechi thik 21 bochor boyesh holei mayer ovishap e amar chokh theke ghum chole jay. Raat holei 2 chokhe neme ase dussopno. Ghumate parina ek din o. sesh 7 jonme protibar attohotta korechi. Kintu porer jonme abar sei dussopner bojha boye berate hoyeche.ei jonme maa daya kore amake purbo jonmer paap swaron korie prayoschitter upay bole diechen.”
Etuku bole ami thamlam.
Guruji odhoirjo hoye jiggasha korlen “ki prayoschitter kotha boleche ma?”
“ami bollam,”kintu se boro odvut,apnara bissas korben na.”
“korbo,tumi bolo.”
“bolchi, aage kotha din antoto ekdiner jonne amake prayoschitto korar bebostha kore deben apni.”
“kotha dilam.”
“mayer deoa soktir morjada rakhte parini ami. Maayer soktike byabohar kore ek kishorir sathe kharap kaj koreche ekjon, taake hotta koreche amar doshei. Ek 15 bochorer meyer hottar jonne dayi ami, dayi narokio dhorshoner jonneo. Tai amake prayoschitto korte hobe oi boyeshi ek meyer kachei. Puro ek jonmo jodi oi boyeshi kono meye amar opor ottachar kore,taholei ekmatro ei purbo jonmer paaper bondhon theke mukto hobe amar atma(atta). Ek 15 bochorer meyer opor narokio ottacharer jonne dayi ami, tai amake prayoschitto korte hobe oi boyesher ekta meyer haate ekivabe sarajibon ottacharito hoye. Tobe, se jodi daya kore amar opor oti nisthur ottachar na kore tobe porer jonmeo amar mukti nei. Ar se joto ottachar korbe, e jonmeo raate toto valo, garho ghum hobe amar. Ami jani er cheye more jaoao valo, kintu moreo je lav nei amar. Porer jonme ei paap theke bachte amake ei kaaj kortei hobe. Ar apni e sudhu paren amake sahajjo korte. Daya korun amar opor, jonmo jonmantorer ei paaper haat theke amake udhdharer byabostha kore din. Sarajibon ami apnar bissosto sisso hoye thakbo.”
Guruji kichukhon chup kore thaklen. Onar mukhe anonder ekta chaora hasi fute uthlo. “ maayer lila dekho.tomar prayoschitter upy tini tomar jonmer aagei kore rekhechen. Tomar bon thik oi boyeshi mone ache to? Aj e tomar baba ma ke bole bebostha korchi. Maayer ichchay aj theke ar o tomar bon na, provu. Oke maa kalir motoi vokti korbe, dekhbe sob paap kete jabe. Joy maa kali.”
Sedin e guruji baba ma ar bon er sathe raate kotha bole oder raji koraben bollen. Ami jantam gurujir kotha ora obissas korbena. Anonde neche uthlo amar mon. bujhlam porer din theke ek notun jibon suru hote jachche amar. Bon er chaok hisabe, or kritodas hisabe, or posha jontu hisabe ek notun jibon, sarajibon jar swapno dekhechi ami.
Pordin sokal 6 tay ma amar ghore dhuklo, pashe bon. Raate ghum hoyna proman korte ami obosso sobar agei uthe pori. Ma matha nichu kore bollo, “gurujir kache sob sunlam. Amader bolte lojja peli kano? Ki vebechili, maayer adesh amra bissas korbo na? maayer lila ta ekbar vab. Toke ei jonme prayoschitto korar sujog dite thik oi boyeshi ekta bon dieche toke. Antoto ei vebe tor khusi haoa uchit jar kache prayoschitto korbi se tor nijer bon, aporichito keu noy. Ne, pronam kor aage bonke.” Ami nijer souvaggo bissas korte parchilam na. bon er porone sada top ar kalo pant, paye laal choti. Ami bon er payer kache hatugere boslam prothome, tarpor sashtange pronam korlam nijer 7 bochorer choto bonke. Aj ar kono swapno na, sotti e nijer choto bon riyar choti pora payer opor matha rekhe pore achi ami, tao mayer samnei. Pray 5 minute pore thaklam bon er paye matha rekhe, or paye amonvabe matha ghoste laglam jano ami or dada na, posha kukur. Tarpor mukh tule bonke bollam”provu, tomar osesh daya, tai amake tomar paye sthan diecho. Kintu jodi sechchay tumi amar opor ottachar koro tobei ami mukti pabo. Nahole pore jonmeo je amar mukti nei.”
Bon or dan pa ta tule chotir tolata amar mathay bolate bolate bollo “korbo dada, tor muktir bebostha ami e kobo.”
“dhonnobad provu” bole ami bon er ba paye chumbon korte laglam.
Breakfast er somoy hole ma amake ar bonke table e khabar dilo. Amake obak kore bon bollo” ma, dada amar sathe eksathe khele or prayoschitto hobe ki kore? Oke amar payer kache khete dao.”
Ami ekisathe obak ar vishon khusi holam bon er kothay. Bon er payer kache boslam luchi ar torkari nie. Amake aro obak kore bon or choti pora pa duto amar thalay tule dilo. Ami obak hoye takalam bon er dike. Bon bollo, “ ami jani dada amar chotir tolay onek nongra ache. Kintu kichu korar nei, tor prayoschitter jonne eta pryojon. Aj raatei bojha jabe tor prayoschitto thik thak hochche ki na. amar biswas,aj tor thik ghum hobe.”
“ami bollam, dhonnobad provu, kintu amake please dada bolona. Akhon theke tumi amar provu. Apomanjonok kichu bolo amake please.”
Bon haslo, “tarpor sopate chor marlo amar dan gaale, “thik ache, aj theke toke dada na, gadha bole dakbo. Nahole kutta bolbo, akhon kuttar moto amar paye marano khabar gulo kheye ne.”
Amar anondo ar dhorchilo na , “nischoy provu “ bole bon er lal chotir tolAY Marano luchi khete laglam. Khaoa sesh hote bon bollo, “ebar valo kukurer moto provur chotir tolay lege thaka khabar gulo chete kha.”
Ami tai korlam. Bon er payer tolay sute o prothome ba pa, tarpor dan pa amar mukher opore dhorlo. Ami or chotir tola kukurer motoi chatte laglam. Aj theke ami ar manush na, riyar dada na, or posha kukur. Amar jiv porom voktite bolate laglam amar provu ,amar debi, riyar chotir tolay. Or chotir tolar moyla lege thaka torkarir sathe amar mukhe dhukte laglo. Ami porom voktite jiv theke sob mukhe dhokate laglam, tarpor gile khete laglam. Pet kharap hok, infection hok, ami ar kichui paroa korina. Aj theke bon amar provu. Akhon theke or sob choti ar jutor tola sobar samne jiv die chete poriskar korbo ami . amar swapno sotti hoyeche aj.
Bon er chotir tola duto chete notuner moto chokchoke kore dilam ami. Tarpor bon or chotir tola duto amar saramukhe ghoste laglo. Amar thotduto or chotir tola die ghose khelte laglo. Ami or onno pa ta porom voktite tipte laglam. Baba ma dujonei ghorer ekkone bose mon die amader dekhte laglo. Dudin aageo ei barir niome bonke amar pore khete hoto. Ar aj sei baritei ami baba mayer samnei bon er payer kache bose bon er chotir tolay marano “prosad” khelam seta vabtei ki ek odvut anonde mon vore uthchilo. Bon 2 ghonta dhore amar mukh nie khele chollo ar ami or pa tipe chollam.
2 ghonta por bon amar mukhe lathi mere bollo,”ei gadha,oth.”
Ami provur adesh palon kore uthe boslam.
Bon amar chokher dike takalo ekbar, amar mathar chule haat bulie bollo, “ami jani amar payer tolay evabe pore thakte tor kharap lagche, kintu ki korbi bol? Bidhir likhon to keu khondate parena. Amar daas hoye jibon katanoi tor kopale chilo. Ar etei tor valo hobe. Ja, amar ghore ekta belt royeche amar table er opor, niye ay.”
Ami bon er paye chumu kheye bollam “jotha agga provu.”
Ami belt ta nie ese amar provur haate dilam. Bon belt ta haate nie bollo, “ebar kukurer moto 4 haat paye dara. Ami tai korlam.
Bon amar matite pata 2 hater opor or choti pora 2 to pa rekhe daralo. Tar porei “sopat” sobde bon er belt amar pither opor achre porlo. Jontronay atke uthlam ami. Kintu bon thamlo na. nijer dadar 2 hater opor darie baba mayer samne amar pithe belt die mere chollo amar bon. Thik 20 bar belt mere thamlo amar “provu”. Amar haat theke neme sofay gie boslo. Tarpor amake daklo, “aa aa kutta.” Aj sokal theke amar sarajibon er somosto swapno eker por ek puron hoye cholehe. Ami 4 hat paye bon er payer kache gie daralam. Bon er paye matha ghoshe dak char lam “vouuuu’. Bon or haater belt ta amar golay porie dilo. Amar dike takie misti hese bollo “ebar thik posha kuttar moto lagche.”
Amar moner abostha tokhon ki chilo seta bujhie bola somvob na. bon er ekhate amar golay badha belt dhora ar ami bon er praye kukurer moto matha ghose cholechi. 10 minute por matha tullam bon er pa theke ar chokhe andhokar dekhlam. Amar provu sojore lathi mereche amar mukhe, or chti pora dan pa die. Amar golay badha belt ta bon er haate dhora na thakle ami ulte pore jetam. Porokhonei bon er ba pa sojore achre porlo amar naaker opor. Uffffff! Naak ta venge gelo naki? Gele jak, ami paroa korina. Bon er moto amio tkhon jano bissas korte suru korechi etei amar mukti hobe purbo jonmer paap theke. Bon eker por ek lathi mere chollo amar mukhe. Pash theke maa ke bolte sunlam,”aro jore dadar mukhe lathi maar riya, etei or mukti.”
Bon eker por ek lathi mere chollo amar mukhe. Amar golar belt or dan haat e dhora ,ar o dui choti pora pa die eker por ek lathi mere choleche amar mukhe. Ami ar parlam na, ektu pore ogyan hoye pore gelam. Ma ekbar golay duschintafutie bollo, “ki holo ronir?” ocheton haoar thik aage sunte pelam bon bollo, “kichu na, ar amar lathi kheye more gelei to o beche jay. Nahole aro koto jonmo oke ei paaper bojha boye niye cholte hobe ke jane?” bolte bolte bon ocheton amar mukher opor or choti pora pa duto rekhe remote die tv chaliedilo. Amio amar 7 bochorer choto bon er choti pora payer tolay suye gyaan harie fellam.
erpor goto 2 bochor dhore evabei prottek din bon er haate ottacharito hoye din kate amar.bon er payer tolay jibner somosto anondo fire peyechi ami. som theke sukrobar amake kolkatay thakte hoy office er jonne. ar sukrobar raat theke robibar raat porjonto kaate bon er seba kore, or haate ottacharito hoye. aro ojosro experience ache amar, bon er haate ottacharito haoar. bon er best friend saheli o bon er songe jog dieche onekbar, dujone mile ottachar koreche amar opore. amader relative ar amar 2 bondhuo amar purbo jonmer paaper kotha jane. oder samnei bon amake ottachar kore. bon sobar samnei amar mukher opor pa rekhe bose thake ar ami or pa tipe di. o baire theke firle sobar samnei amar jive jutor tola ghose poriskar kore. eta sobar kache roj sokale purbo dike surjo othar motoi normal byapar. keu jodi jante chan ami details e aro onek diner experience bolte pari. ami sudhu akhon next year er opekkhay achi. next yearamar provu bon kolkatay college e porte asbe ar ami sara soptaho amar provur seba korte parbo.( nijer porichoy kichuta erate naam ar details kichuta change korleo ete sotti ghotona. nijer budhdhir jore aj sotti e ami amar bon er golam.